“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen nor even touched, but just felt in the heart.”- Helen Keller

My mom calls my little sister, Karleigh, her “rainbow baby.” A “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born following a miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death, or infant loss. This relates to nature in the way a rainbow comes after a storm and represents better weather. The rainbow is more appreciated when compared to the storm that just ended.

After thinking about the significance of rainbows, I started to view my younger sibling with a new perspective.

Karleigh’s birth as a “rainbow baby” gave my family and me a sense of hope and peace. She knows she’s a rainbow baby and loves dressing up in bright colors to symbolize her role in my family. Karleigh embraces her role because she understands that she was the calm after a storm and she helped heal our hearts.

The storm was this: on June 8, 2011, my baby brother, Lucas, passed away.

As the oldest sibling, I had always hoped for a baby brother or sister one day. Finding out my mom was having a baby was so exciting. I was finally going to be able to watch the entire process: the pregnancy, birth, toddler stage, and eventually, I was going to watch my younger sibling become an adult. Although I have a younger brother named Chase, we are only two years apart so I don’t remember much of his early years.

I was so young and fragile when Lucas died. Not only was it an unexpected tragedy, but it just hard to for me to comprehend that he was really gone. We were all grieving, so when my mom told me in March of 2012 she had news about another pregnancy, I was angry.

I was angry because I felt like she was trying to replace my brother. I was mad because it hadn’t even been a year since he passed and I was scared she would put us through the same situation again. I wasn’t ready to deal with another loss, but who was I to say anything about it?

We started putting baby items like clothes, toys, and a crib back into Lucas’ room. This made me feel uneasy. What if she lost the baby? What would I do then?

When it was time for the ultrasound appointment to find out the gender of the baby, I didn’t want it to be a girl. I wanted it to be a boy just like Lucas was.

Much to my dismay, the doctor said “It’s a girl!” and I remember I sat down and cried.

Even though I was upset at first, I could have never asked God for a better blessing. Karleigh was a blessing in disguise and I will always cherish the emotions I felt and the memories from when my mom was pregnant. She will always serve as a reminder to my family that storms don’t last forever.

Karleigh is 5-years-old now, and she is aware of Lucas. She refers to him as her angel. She told me she prays to him when she’s upset or if she lost something, like her favorite toy. She said he always helps her. That may sound crazy to some people, but to me it just shows that he is with us no matter what.

Karleigh, in my opinion, has some part of Lucas’ soul in her. I feel like they are connected and I know a lot of people are skeptical about things like that, but when it happens to you, you understand what I mean. I appreciate my little sister more than anything in this world because I experienced what it feels like to lose something you loved.

And to you, Lucas Allen Tucker, I will always be your big sister and I will never forget the imprint you left on my heart.

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